News Archive
The Herald: Classes for the sake of the kids 3 June
http://www.theherald.co.uk/features/Classes_for_the_sake_of_the_kids.php
The Scotsman: Time to follow America’s lead 2 June
http://living.scotsman.com/features/Time-to-follow-Americas-lead.4140259.jp
Scotland on Sunday: Make up after you break up 1 June
http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com/spectrum/Make-up-after-you-break.4137071.jp
The Scotsman: Society should priorities… 29 May
http://news.scotsman.com/opinion/Society-should-prioritise--.4129978.jp
The Daily Record: Expert calls on Scots government… 28 May
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/editors-choice/divorce-lessons-for-family-break-ups
The Herald: The divorce lawyers have packed up… 21 May
http://www.theherald.co.uk/features/The_divorce_papers_are_signed_So_what_happens_next.ph
2.7.09
Relationships Scotland and Aberlour National Parenting Development Project
are pleased to announce a one day seminar on 'Supporting Parents - Supporting Children: How Positive Parental Relationships Promote Best Outcomes for Children.' This seminar will be of interest to anyone working with parents or developing services for parents. The seminar will highlight current research, legislative and policy context and participants will have the opportunity to explore good practice in promoting postive parental relationships. More details and a booking form for this event on 2nd November can be found on the flier
1.7.09
Art Competition - winners chosen
The winning 30 children in the our Families Day art competition were presented with their prizes at the Scottish Parliament on June 18.
The following children were presented with their prizes by Journalist and Broadcaster Kaye Adams
Winner, 4 - 6
Callum Shaw (Knightsridge Primary School)
Commended, 4 - 6
Jennifer Forgrave (Knightsridge Primary School)
Piper Cluness (Knightsridge Primary School)
Runners up, 4 - 6
Shielagh McMillan (Knightsridge Primary School)
Hannah Robertson (Knightsridge Primary School)
Tegan Stewart (Knightsridge Primary School)
Dominic Leonard (St Anthony's Primary School)
Bronach McKenzie (Knightsridge Primary School)
Reece Brown (Knightsridge Primary School)
Winner 7 - 9
Rebecca O'Neill (Knightsridge Primary School)
Commended 7 - 9
Jake Sinclair (Reay Primary School)
Nicola Nyguist (Knightsridge Primary School)
Runners up 7 - 9
Shona McKenzie (Barcaldine Primary School)
Tia Paxton (Knightsridge Primary School)
Ben Robertson (Knightsridge Primary School)
Erin McDonald (Reay Primary School)
Cameron Runciman (Knightsridge Primary School)
Lauren Sinclair (Knightridge Primary School)
Chloe Smith (Knightsridge Primary School)
Winner 10 - 12
Jenna Gillespie (St Kenneth's Primary School)
Commended 10 - 12
Jacqueline McKinnon (Clovenstone Primary School)
Kameron McGill (Knightridge Primary School)
Runners up 10 - 12
Lewis Anderson (St Kenneth's Primary School)
Liam Boyd (St Kenneth's Primary School)
Noorislam Uddin (Clovenstone Primary School)
Jack Close (Knightsridge Primary School)
Hollie Paxton (Knightsridge Primary School
Dylan Laing (Knightsridge Primary School)
Alez McWaters (St Kenneth's Primary School)
Special Nursery Prize
Katie Chree (Carbost Nursery)
11.05.09
Art Competition
30 Prizes of £100, £50 or £25 for children and £500 for the winning school in Relationships Scotland's children's Art Competition - My Family - Pictures by Scottish Children
10.01.09
Primary School children all over Scotland are beinbg given the opportunity to have their pictures seen as part of a national exhibition which will tour Scotland, and, for 30 lucky winners, to receive substantial cash prizes.
Stuart Valentine, Chief Executive of Relationships Scotland said: "Families Day was launched in 2004 to celebrate the diversity of families and promote the services offered by Relationship Scotland. The aim is to encourage children and adults to thank and celebrate anyone they consider part of their family. As well as discounted days out and film events, primary schools all over Scotland submitted pictures and the winning entries were reproduced as free postcards and exhibited in various venues across Scotland - over the years the exhibition has been in Edinburgh, Glasgow, Inverness, Aberdeen, Stirling, Dumfries, Dunkeld and Strathpeffer."
The competition and touring exhibition will again be the central event of Families Day 2009t and at the prizegiving to be held at the Scottish Parliament on June 18, winning children will receive their prizes and launch the exhibition, which will travel to Glasgow, Inverness and the Scottish Borders (other venues will be confirmed between now and the end of 2009).
Letters inviting entries are going to all Scottish Primary Schools, but if there are parents or teachers who have not received the forms and would like to participate, the Guidelines can be downloaded by clicking here and the Entry Form here . The deadline for entries is May 5th 2009
Avoiding stress at Christmas for separated families
December 2008
This December, several thousand families across Scotland will be facing their first Christmas separated or divorced. It is hard for even the most relaxed family to get through to Boxing Day without some crisis, tantrum or disaster, but when there is the added pressure of a family living apart because of separation or divorce, the problems can overwhelm what should otherwise be one of the happiest occasions of the year. Watching everyone else throw themselves into the preparations - the shopping, the planning, the general excitement - can put an intolerable strain on parents who can hardly bear to think of a Christmas where their family is no longer together. Any milestone in the first year is hard, but some lend themselves more easily to deciding who children will spend time with: Mum for Mum’s birthday, Dad for Father’s Day and so on. Christmas is harder.
It is possible, though, to plan Christmas, and other holidays for separated families, in a positive way. A few simple compromises can make the difference between a time remembered by all family members as happy and relaxed, or a nightmare of confusion, regret and guilt. If you are a separated parent battling with the problems of making arrangements for Christmas which will be as harmonious as possible, this may help:
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If possible, make plans well in advance, so that everyone knows exactly what is to happen. If children are old enough, discuss it with them, and try to accommodate what they want. Take account of other members of the family - grandparents and grandchildren need to be together too. When your children are going to spend time with their other parent, it is important for you to plan what to do while you’re alone. And make sure the children know – they shouldn’t have to worry about you being lonely and miserable.
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Communicate with the other parent about presents, and don’t compete. It is easy for the ‘absent’ parent to try to over-compensate with lavish presents, and children are not above playing parents off against eachother to get their entire Christmas wish-list. Mum and Dad could buy larger gifts together. Less well-off parents can make sure their children realise that it is lack of cash, not love, that is the problem. (Grandparents, too, should remember step-grandchildren living in the same family as their biological grandchildren).
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First-time milestones like Christmas, birthdays and holidays can be tough, but there is only one ‘first time’ for all of them. Traditions and rituals might have been important in the past, but they don’t have to be copied slavishly in the new family situation. It may be the time to invent new traditions, which will become just as important in the future.
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Don’t make the ‘sharing’ of time with children a battleground. Spending alternate years with each parent is one way of organising the time, but waiting a whole year to spend Christmas with Mum or Dad can seem a very long time. Being with one parent on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day and with the other on Christmas Day can avoid this, and most children will relish the idea of two Christmases.
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When children are spending time with you, make sure they know it is OK to ‘check in’ with their other parent.
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If your children don’t normally live with you, don’t expect a holiday visit to be perfect, and don’t try to cram too much in. They probably want to relax as much as you do.
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If making arrangements yourselves is too difficult, family mediation services can, and do, help.
New support in times of conflict
12.11.08
A new chapter opens today in the history of service provision for couples and families in Scotland. Relate Scotland and Family Mediation Scotland, have merged to become Relationships Scotland which will now be able to offer support to families, couples and individuals in difficulty through counselling, mediation and provision of child contact centres.
Chair of Relationships Scotland Lord Wallace of Tankerness (Deputy First Minister in the Scottish Parliament from 1999 to 2005) said “During my many years as a constituency MP and MSP, I always considered one of my most important duties was the engagement with individual constituents who came to surgeries or contacted me by phone or letter. You are in a position of both responsibility and privilege when people come to you, because very often they feel there is no else to turn to. Those who work for Relationships Scotland, paid staff and volunteers alike, are in such a privileged position. That is why we must strive to ensure ready accessibility to the services we provide, and why we shall attach much importance to professional training and maintaining high quality assurance standards.
Indeed, at this time of fresh beginnings, we might stop and ponder what Scotland would be like if the services we provide did not exist. Every year, thousands of couples or families have come through the doors of our local service centres. Just consider how much more stress and distress, conflict and confusion, tears and anxiety would have afflicted their lives, if staff from Family Mediation Scotland or Relate Scotland had not been on hand to support. That helps measure the value which our services add to Scotland’s families and wider communities. And it should challenge us to take the opportunities provided by the merged organisation – not least the one door approach which we shall present to those seeking help – to aspire to ever higher levels of service provision”
20 Years of Child Contact Centres in Scotland 23.10.08
More than 150,000 families have been able to stay in touch thanks to a unique service across Scotland.
2008 marks the 20th anniversary of Child Contact Centres in Scotland. At an event at the Scottish Parliament on October 30 2008, Adam Ingram, Minister for Children and Early years and Rt Hon Lord Wallace of Tankerness (Jim Wallace, former Deputy First Minister) will talk to guests about the crucial role of the network of Child Contact Centres.
Since 1988, when the first centres opened in Scotland, the growing number in all parts of Scotland ensure that there are accessible, friendly and safe places where people who live apart from their children can spend time with them.
Scottish Child Contact Centre Development Officer Charlene Kelly, who works for Relationships Scotland, says:
“Child Contact Centres play a key role in helping children affected by family breakdown to maintain a relationship or, in some cases, begin new ones with the parent they do not live with. The central concept of a Child Contact Centre is to offer a safe, friendly, neutral, child-centred environment for children and their parents. We know that, in most cases, it is better for children to retain contact with both their parents after separation or divorce. However, some parents find it very difficult to agree to share their children’s time with their ex-partner. There may be reasons ranging from domestic abuse to simply having a real difficulty in communicating with the other parent.
There are 39 centres in Scotland, run in a variety of venues but all with a wide range of toys and games to help the parent and child relax and play together. Trained staff are on hand but don’t intrude or interfere – they are just there to reassure and deal with any problems that might arise. Their presence also makes it possible for parents not to have to meet if they don’t want to.”
In times of stress...
It may be that the holiday period has been less peace and goodwill than stess and disharmony. Or perhaps the strains of financial difficulties are putting already fragile realtionships under even more pressure. Some simple measures may help.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for space and time for yourself if you are finding things difficult.
- Make a point of ensuring that your partner is not neglected – feelings of exclusion are easily activated at times of stress
- Try and schedule in time for you and your partner just to be on your own , even if for short periods – so that misunderstandings and resentments don’t build up
- If finance is adding to the problem, take time to examine your budgets together
- Listen to your body and ask for what you need.
- Ensure you have a fun, intimate time together and agree to make sure your sexual relationships doesn’t become ignored.
- Take time to recognise where there are problems between you and work at managing them. You need to be open and honest and talk to each other about what you are feeling. Try to be aware of what your partner likes or dislike
Jim Wallace to Chair new merged charity
05.05.08
Relationships Scotland, providing relationship and family support services across Scotland
From April 1st 2008, Family Mediation Scotland and Relate Scotland become Relationships Scotland and Jim Wallace, former Deputy First Minister is to chair the new organisation.
Jim Wallace: “A new chapter now opens in the history of service provision for couples and families in Scotland. Building on the achievements, dedication and hard work of those who have served in Relate Scotland and Family Mediation Scotland, our new organisation, Relationships Scotland, stands ready to support families in difficulty who turn to us for help at a critical time in their lives. Through counselling, family mediation and provision of child contact centres, we shall aim to deliver supporting services of the highest quality throughout Scotland.”
Stuart Valentine, Chief Executive said “We are delighted that Jim has agreed to head the new board of Relationships Scotland. When he became Justice Minister in the newly devolved Parliament, he brought forward a white paper on family law reform working alongside organisations like Relate Scotland and FMS. And it was during discussions at that time that the first seeds of merger were sown. From our point of view, his appointment is particularly gratifying because of his knowledge of our work, and it also allows continuity in his own work by addressing issues which have featured in his professional and political life.”
Relationships Scotland’s move is the first step in encouraging the merging of local family mediation and relationship counselling offices in all parts of Scotland – already Orkney, Dumfries and Galloway and Grampian have merged and all other affiliated services are being encouraged to follow their example. Stuart Valentine again: “Relationships Scotland’s role will be to support and develop an accessible and comprehensive network of local services for couples, individuals and families experiencing transition, separation and conflict – realistically, many people may not know what services are available to them at any stage in their relationship difficulties, so the ‘one door’ option can provide vital help when things seem to be in crisis”.
Scotland’s leaders urged to help the 50,000 children in Scotland’s affected each year by divorce and separation Leading US divorce coach and parent educator comes to Scotland to back proposals
May 2008
At the Parliament today, Scotland’s politicians are being called on to help the tens of thousands of Scotland’s young people affected by divorce and separation each year.At a reception organised by Counselling and Family Mediation Grampian, leading politicians are being urged by family mediators and leading family law experts to pilot a new child-friendly approach to marriage and relationship break-ups, with parent education classes and family mediation replacing the current potentially damaging adversarial system. They heard a presentation at the Scottish Parliament by leading divorce coach and parent educator from the US, Christina McGhee who has also undertaken mediators’ and solicitors’ training, as well as parental coaching, as part of her trip. Elizabeth Wallace Chief Executive of Counselling and Family Mediation Grampian, said “I first saw Christina talk about the parent education programmes she runs in the States when she visited London in 2006. We invited her to Scotland in 2007 and were delighted that she could return this year to help raise awareness of this unique service for separating and divorcing parents in Scotland.”
Relationships Scotland, previously Family Mediation Scotland, and the Scottish Collaborative Family Law Group, comprising Scotland’s leading family law exponents, are supported in their aims by Christina, who has helped raise the profile of the collaborative approach in the US.
Christina is the leading exponent of the parental coaching in the US, and presented a Channel 4 series entitled “How to Divorce Without Screwing up your Kids”. She has devoted her career to help children and families manage the challenges of separation, and along with specialists from law firms HBJ Gateley Wareing and Lindsays, will meet with politicians at the Scottish Parliament.
Approximately 13,000 couples divorce each year in Scotland – more than 35 every day of the year. These figures do not take into account the breakdown of unmarried parents’ relationships, and in 2007, half of all children born in Scotland were to unmarried parents. It can therefore be estimated that as many as 50,000 children in Scotland will be affected each year by divorce or separation and one in three children are likely to experience their parents separation before the age of 16.
Increasingly, research shows that the fallout from parental acrimony can lead to behavioural problems in children, lower levels of attainment and higher levels of smoking, drinking and drug use.
Now Relationships Scotland is offering Parent Education classes, and they would like to see Scotland’s law-makers make attendance the norm for parents who are separating.
Christina McGhee said: “We believe that parent education works best when it is enshrined in law, and that ultimately the best option is that parents who are separating should be made to attend these classes to ensure that they are aware of how best to handle the welfare of their children during this traumatic time.
Rosanne Cubitt, Head of Professional Practice at Relationships Scotland agreed; “We have been working with families in Scotland for over 20 years, and have experts who are specially trained to deliver these classes. It is our view that any costs involved would have to be off-set against the huge savings that would be made across a range of other sectors, including legal, health, social work and education.”
Leading Family Law specialists are also anxious to pilot the new approach. Cath Karlin, who heads the Family Law team at HBJ Gateley Wareing and is immediate past convener of the Scottish Collaborative Family Law Group, and Lesley Gordon, her counterpart at Lindsays, are two of Scotland’s Family Law experts.
Cath said: “We know from experiences in other parts of the world that this approach does work, and that couples and their children benefit from it. As lawyers we would like to see this approach piloted and tested, normalising it and giving parents the opportunity to see for themselves the positives that it brings and allow lawyers to make use of it with confidence.”
Lesley added: “Increasingly family law specialists are seeking to encourage clients to adopt a collaborative approach to marital and relationship break-ups. This approach can greatly reduce any conflict encountered, and certainly helps to reduce the risk of children being unnecessarily hurt though being caught up in the break-up.
“With increasing divorce rates – almost half of marriages now end in divorce – we need to move to a less adversarial system and encourage the legal profession to seek to embed a more solution focussed, child friendly approach.”
The Scottish Collaborative Law Group have already recommended that Scotland needs to look to modernise the way children are treated during divorce proceedings, as a part of their response to the review of the Scottish civil court system led by Lord Gill. The Group advocates a range of alternate dispute resolution efforts.
New charity to lead the way in supporting Scottish families
April 2008
Relationships Scotland, providing relationship and family support services across Scotland
On April 1st 2008 a new charity became a leading voice for families in Scotland. Relate Scotland and Family Mediation Scotland have merged to become Relationships Scotland. Although Relationships Scotland has a new identity and a new look, Family Mediation Scotland and Relate Scotland (previously Couple Counselling Scotland) have more than 85 years experience of offering relationship and family support services in all parts of Scotland.
Relationships Scotland’s Chief Executive is Stuart Valentine: “It is clearly a time of change in Scotland. There are new family types, increased rates of divorce, growing migration from Eastern Europe and new civil partnerships. It is also clear that there is a political awareness of the issues around relationship and family support at this time – all of the key political parties are aiming to be the ‘party of the family’ and we have the opportunity to maximise this support to argue for greater resources for the work that we do. We are delighted that Jim Wallace, former Deputy First Minister of Scotland, has agreed to be Chair of Relationships Scotland, and that Elaine C Smith will be our Patron’.
Relationships Scotland’s merge is the first step in encouraging all local family mediation and relationship counselling offices all parts of Scotland to merge – already Orkney, Dumfries and Galloway and Grampian have done so and it is hoped that all other affiliated services will follow their example. Stuart Valentine again: “Relationships Scotland’s role will be to support and develop an accessible network of these services for families experiencing transition, separation and conflict – realistically, many people may not know what services are available to them at any stage in their relationship difficulties, so the ‘one door’ option can provide vital help when things seem to be in crisis”.
Jim Wallace, the new Chair of Relationships Scotland says: “A new chapter now opens in the history of service provision for couples and families in Scotland. Building on the achievements, dedication and hard work of those who have served in Relate Scotland and Family Mediation Scotland, our new organisation, Relationships Scotland, stands ready to support families in difficulty who turn to us for help at a critical time in their lives. Through counselling, family mediation and provision of child contact centres, we shall aim to deliver supporting services of the highest quality throughout Scotland.”
