Relationship Counselling
About Relationship Counselling
• What Relationship Counselling doesn’t do
• What Relationship Counselling does do
• Who comes for Relationship Counselling?
• Do I have to come with my partner?
• Does Relationship counselling work?
• How much will it cost?
• Who are the counsellors?
• How confidential is the counselling?
• How do I make an appointment?
• What will happen when I meet with my counsellor?
• How long will it take?
Relationship Counselling, is as it says, counselling to help people with
their relationships. This might be to work through difficulties in current
relationships; to explore the effects of past relationships or to look at
how to improve and enrich their relationships for the future.
You can come for Relationship Counselling on your own or with a partner; whatever
you decide you will be offered space and time to explore your concerns and difficulties
with a counsellor trained to work with couple relationships.
Relationship Counselling is provided throughout Scotland by counsellors working in local Relationship Scotland counselling centres. The counsellors’ work with individuals and couples across a very wide range of difficulties; from difficult communication to dealing with affairs; from sexual difficulties through to dealing with the end of a relationship. The range of situations dealt with is endless and no two situations are ever the same, however, what links all these people and their difficulties is that they want to try and do something about them. Whether it's being able to talk more openly together, to re build their relationships or to part on better terms. That desire to do something, even if they don't know what it is that needs to be done, is what prompts them to contact their local Relationship Scotland centre. What they find at their local centre will be an understanding of how difficult relationships can be; space and time to talk to someone trained and skilled in working with relationship difficulties and the opportunity to look at their situation in different ways.
What Relationship Counselling doesn’t do.
- We don't offer advice
- We won't tell you what to do
- We don't judge
- We don't have an agenda about 'saving' relationships
- What you decide to do about your difficulties – either individually or as a couple - is for you to decide, not us. We can help you have the difficult conversations, we can't tell you what to say or do
- We don't work with couples where there are current court proceedings for domestic abuse although we may be able to work with some couples once proceedings have been settled.
What Relationship Counselling does
do.
We offer people a safe space in which they can explore how they feel about
and experience their relationships with counsellors who are trained in and
experienced in working with relationship difficulties.
Who comes for Relationship Counselling?
Relationship counselling is available for anyone over the age of 16 who is
concerned about or wants to explore the impact of their adult relationships.
You don't have to be in a relationship in order to come for counselling.
You can come if you are single, in a civil partnership, married, living with
someone, separated, divorced, widowed or if the difficulty relates to your
difficulty in finding or keeping a relationship.
Do I have to come with my partner?
No, you can come on your own or with your partner. Obviously, if the difficulty
is about your relationship with your partner it can be helpful for both of
you to see the counsellor. However, you may want to come on your own first
and then see if your partner would like to come along as well after the first
session. If you do this then your counsellor may suggest that they offer
to see your partner for a session on their own as well - so that both of
you get the opportunity to speak to the counsellor on their own and to make
sure that you both get equal time.
Does Relationship counselling work?
It's difficult to say if it 'works' - all we can say is that many couples
coming for counselling tell us it has helped them. What most people mean
when they ask 'does it work' is 'will you save my relationship'. As we have
already said we do not 'save' relationships. It isn't for us to say
what should or shouldn't happen to your relationship. You as a couple decide
the goals - counselling can help you look at what gets in the way of achieving
them. We help people look at what is causing the difficulty and what they
might need to do to change the situation.
However, even if we can't guarantee it 'works' we can look at some of the
things relationship counselling can offer.
Firstly, by coming for counselling you are acknowledging that there is a
difficulty and that you want to do something about it. This might well be
the first time that you have actually done something different to try and
deal with the problem. Its one thing knowing that something isn't working
and something very different doing something about it. We can put up with
things not being right for an awful long time before something prompts us
to act. Relationship counselling is a step towards doing something about
it.
Secondly, you will be given time and space in a neutral environment to explore
what is going on in your relationship and how it impacts on you and those
around you. How often do we take the time to focus on our difficulties?
Thirdly, someone (your counsellor) will be listening to what you say and
trying to help understand and unravel the situation. They won't judge you,
they are there to help you explore and understand what's happening to you.
Your counsellor won't take sides; they are there to help you with your relationship.
How much will it cost?
When you contact your local centre you will be told how much it costs that
centre to run each session and asked to contribute towards that cost.
Each local service is funded differently and this is why each centre will
have its own scale of costs. Some centres receive funding from their local
authority or Health Board, others don't, and this is why each centre will
suggest a different scale of donation. It is likely that the cost will be
somewhere in the range of £35 - 50 per session and you are asked to make
a donation towards that cost if you cannot afford the full amount. No one
is ever refused a service if they cannot afford to make a donation.
Who are the counsellors?
The counsellors come from a range of training backgrounds.
Most of our counsellors have been trained by Relationship Scotland and have a Diploma in Couple Counselling. They will have completed a three year course and will attend regular supervision with an approved supervisor.
Some of our counsellors are on the current training course. If they are students then they will have already completed a large part of the academic requirement of the course and will have been assessed as competent to see couples.
We also have some counsellors who are experienced and qualified in seeing individual clients and who are on placement doing a course of study with us to extend their skills into working with couples.
We also a small number of counsellors on placement from university approved Diploma courses who want to work with couples.
Whoever your counsellor is they will have been assessed as experienced and competent to work with couples. Regular supervision is required for all counsellors. Supervisors who oversee the work of counsellors will all be qualified and approved by Relationship Scotland. Counsellors receive supervision in line with the requirements of their respective professional organisations.
Counsellors are all expected to abide by the Codes of Practice of Relationship
Scotland and their own professional organisation. They will work ethically
and professionally at all times.
How confidential is the counselling?
Anyone using our services can expect that we will keep their private information
confidential. We will not give anyone any information about you, including
your contact details without your permission. If you have been referred to
us by another professional, like a GP or Social Worker we will let them know
that we have seen you, but not what we have discussed.
However, we cannot guarantee full confidentiality; there may be times when we have to disclose information, for example:
- if we have reason to believe that you, a child or anyone else is at risk of harm
- if we have to, for legal reasons, e.g. if the courts tell us to
- if you ask us to or give us permission to
- if we have a duty to the public e.g. if you tell us of a major criminal act
How do I make an appointment?
Find your local centre from the list and give them a call. Not all centres
are open all the time so if there is answer phones just leave your name
and a number where you can safely be contacted and they will call you
back.
You will be asked a number of questions when you first contact a centre, this information is needed to ensure we give you the best possible service. All our local centres work in slightly different ways depending on their size, location and number of counsellors at that centre. However, once you make contact your local centre will explain how they work, when they have appointments available and how long it will take to arrange an appointment. Whilst we would like to be able to offer appointments when people first contact us it is likely that there will be a short waiting list.
Please let us know if you feel domestic violence or abuse is an issue
so that we can offer you an individual appointment to start with.
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What will happen when I meet with my counsellor?
Each local centre operates its own system for first appointments. In some
centres you will be offered what is called an Intake Appointment where you
will meet with a trained Intake Worker – they are not counsellors. The Intake
Worker will ask you for details about your relationship and current situation.
The information you give will be passed onto the counsellor assigned to you.
In some centres they don’t have an Intake system so you will be assigned to a counsellor for your first appointment. At the first session the counsellor will then ask for some basic information about you and your situation.
The begin first few sessions of any counselling will be about assessing your situation with you to see what the difficulties are and looking at what needs to change. It is also the time when you can see if counselling is the right choice for you.
Couple counselling is not right for every relationship and in some instances can make difficult situations worse. Your counsellor will discuss this with you and advise of other services which may be of greater benefit to you.
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How long will it take?
Counselling sessions are usually for about 50 minutes and are with the same
counsellor and usually at the same time each week.
It is difficult to say how many sessions you might need. Most counsellors will offer to see you 4 – 6 times initially and then review with you. At this point you may feel you’re your relationship is in a different place and that you done all you need to do for now – you can always come back at a later date. Or you may feel that you need more time, your counsellor will then explore with you how many more sessions you would like. Counselling isn’t a quick fix – it could take several months or more to work through your difficulties – it depends on what your situation is and what needs to change.
