Relationship Counselling
Sex Problems
• Who are the ‘sex therapists'?
• What sort of problems do sex therapists deal with?
• What do they do?
• What is a ‘treatment plan’?
• How much will it cost?
• How long will it take?
• How do I make an appointment?
A couple’s sexual relationship is something they work out for themselves. How often you have sex, when, what you do – its personal to your relationship and as long as you both enjoy it, you both want to do what you are doing and its not harming or damaging anyone else, then its your choice.
However, if your sexual relationship isn’t giving you the pleasure or satisfaction it once did, or if it never has then you may find talking to a sex therapist helpful. Talking about your sexual relationship may seem a little strange at first; however, you will be talking to someone who is trained and skilled in working with sexual difficulties.
Difficulties in our sexual relationships can occur at time in our lives, young or not so young, and at any stage in our relationships; at the beginning, middle or in the later years. They can occur over a long period of time, building up slowly so that we hardly notice the change; they can occur suddenly, in the case of illness or accident. They can be quickly resolved and become part of our relationship history; they can cause huge divides in our relationships and even destroy them. Every couple and situation is unique and how their difficulty is resolved will also be unique to them.
Who are the ‘sex therapists?’
Sex therapists are usually experienced relationship counsellors, attached to local Relationship Scotland Counselling centres, who have gained a further qualification in sex therapy; this will have been extensive study alongside supervised practice. However, there are also a few sex therapists working in local centres who are not trained relationship counsellors who are qualified as sex therapists. These therapists have either transferred into local centres having qualified elsewhere or have only trained in sex therapy. They will though have an awareness of how relationship difficulties are linked to sexual problems.
All sex therapist work to a strict Code of Practice and are members of the British Association of Sexual and Relationship Therapy (BASRT). Details of this organisation can be found at www.basrt.org.uk
What sort of problems do sex therapists deal with?
Sex therapists are trained to deal with different sorts of sexual difficulty.
Firstly there are those difficulties associated with actually wanting to
or having sex. Then there are the difficulties caused by things happening
to you – for example, ageing, accidents or illnesses, children, which may
affect your sexual relationship and finally there are those things which
are to do with each of you as an individual which may affect how you are
or see yourself as a sexual being.
So, there are a wide range of things that sex therapy can help with – below are some of the main issues we deal with:
Erectile Problems – not being able to get or maintain an erection or feeling that your erection is not as hard as it used to be.
Climax or orgasm difficulties – not being able to climax or reach orgasm or climaxing/ejaculating too soon, not being able to ejaculate
Painful sex – this is usually pain when penetration is tried,
sometimes though it can also be after sex
Desire problems – including loss of desire for sex or where there are different levels of desire in a couple, one wanting sex more than the other.
Illness and /or disability – this really refers to anyone or any couple where disability, illness or accident is impinging on their sexual relationships, this could include physical disabilities, diabetes, surgery
Cross-dressing– where a person feels drawn to dressing as and being the opposite sex
Sexual orientation – they can help people who think they may be attracted to someone of the same sex
Sexual addictions – to the internet, chat rooms, pornography, masturbation
What do they do?
Sex therapists help you look at your sexual relationship. They work with individuals and couples to explore what is not working and what needs to be different.
Sex therapists meet with clients for an initial session to see what the difficulty is and if it something they work with. If they think it is appropriate for how they work they will arrange to meet with each person individually to take a full history – this can take more than one session. Having taken each persons history and looked at what the problem is the therapist will meet again with the couple to discuss a treatment programme which is designed to address their particular difficulty.
Sometimes therapists recommend that people have relationship counselling before starting on a sex therapy programme. This is because sex therapy requires couples to work closely together on their sexual relationship and if there are any underlying relationship problems they will quickly surface.
If the difficulty is around wanting or having sex then the therapist is likely to recommend a ‘treatment plan’. If though the difficulty is more around how you see yourself sexually then they may suggest counselling to help you explore the issue.
What is a ‘treatment plan’?
The treatment plan is the thing that you will need to do to try and sort out the difficulty. You won’t have to do anything in front of anyone else. The therapist will give you ‘homework’ at each session which you and your partner do at home.
You will not have to do anything in front of the therapist.
How much will it cost?
Local centres will ask you for a contribution towards the cost of the session
as they would for relationships counselling.
How long will it take?
Again it depends on your situation and the difficulty you’re experiencing.
Your therapist will discuss that with you.
How do I make an appointment?
Most Relationship Scotland Counselling centres have a sex therapy service
– contact your local service to make an appointment. If your local centre
does not have a service they will be able to tell you where does.
