A Thoughtful Look at ‘No Contact’

There has been a lot of media coverage of the Beckham family’s upset and Brooklyn Beckham’s very public decision to go ‘no-contact’ with his parents. It has been a common theme for some time trending on TikTok and Instagram with influencers providing advice and ‘how to’ guides.

Cutting contact with family members might be a very needed action but every situation is different with its own unique set of circumstances, dynamics and consequences. It is important that these are fully understood and explored to make this difficult decision as informed as possible.

If you are considering cutting or drastically reducing contact with a family member it is likely that your relationship has been deteriorating for some time. Have there been attempts to establish some boundaries? Or have these been ignored? Does it feel like a last resort?

A good question to ask yourself is ‘what do I want to gain from cutting contact, what do I want this to do?’

Cutting contact should be decision driven by your own well-being, as a means to protect yourself and your mental health. It shouldn’t be about punishment of the other person, nor should it be used as a tool to elicit a change in that person’s behaviour.

You cannot change another person’s behaviour by your own actions. Change has to come from a person’s own self.  You can only change how you respond to other people. That might be choosing not to be around someone or removing yourself from difficult situations.

If you make the decision to cut off contact it is important to look at how logistically it will work. If, for example, it is a parent with whom your relationship has deteriorated, what about your other parent? How will this affect your relationships with your siblings? If you have kids, will you cut off contact for them too? How will extended family events go?

Also, a big issue to consider is if you are cutting contact temporarily there is no guarantee the relationship can be re-established. There are no right or easy answers to any of these questions. However, they need to be considered so that you can feel confident and at ease with your decision.

Seeking support and a place where you can discuss and explore this complex and nuanced issue would be helpful. Counselling can help you reach a decision that helps you feel in control.

Find your nearest Counselling Service here – Find your nearest service – Relationships Scotland

To find out more about counselling here – How counselling helps – Relationships Scotland