Parenthood: How young is too young?

With the recent media coverage of the adoption of a baby by Millie Bobby Brown and Jake Bongiovi, in which the relatively young age of the couple was questioned, it sparks a debate around what age is too young to become a family, whether naturally or by adoption.

It is worth noting that the couple had been in a relationship for four years, and been married for 15 months, and were both 21 and 23, which is not unusually young for a couple to start a family. It is true that life with a baby can be difficult, but whether you are in your twenties or your forties, the challenges and difficulties are likely to be the same.

Having a baby puts a strain on a relationship, and even the strongest relationships can find it tough as life changes with this new human in your family. You can feel tired, cut off from your old life, have a loss of physical and emotional energy.

So, what can you do to make sure that you can enjoy your new family member and learn to cope with the changes to everyday life?

1. Stay connected as a couple. It is important that you keep in touch during the day, especially if one parent is working and the other at home with the baby. Don’t just talk about the baby, message about what else you might have been doing, keep the conversation about you.
2. Make time for each other. This can be difficult in those early days and months but even if it is only half an hour a week to go for a walk or out for a cup of tea, that will help. If you are unsure about leaving your baby with a sitter, then go out for a walk with the pram, then finish with a coffee at a nice cafe. Make time to get away from the house and baby life.
3. Acknowledge the positives. It is so easy to focus on the negative aspects of life with a baby. The baby cries all day, the baby won’t sleep, I am a terrible parent. Try not to focus on what you think is going wrong, catch yourself and your partner doing positive things and make mention of them.
4. Share the load. Make sure you share the load, bringing up a child is hard work so making sure you work together will make all the difference and avoid one parent feeling like they are doing everything.
5. Accept help. People will be keen to help with the new addition to your family. Family members, friends, and neighbours. Make use of the offers of help. Going along to parenting groups, toddler groups, playgroups are all great ways to make new friends and get support from other parents. One word of warning though, beware of well-meaning advice. If someone’s advice doesn’t sit well with you don’t feel you have to follow it, take the advice and make it fit with what your values and beliefs are.
6. Make use of family friendly policies at work. Many workplaces now have family friendly policies to support new parents. Whether it is parental leave, maternity leave, adoption leave or support with annual leave it is worth having the conversation with your work about what they can do to support you.

What about if things start to go wrong? It can be really tough, so it isn’t surprising that some couples find their relationship taking the strain. It is important at this point to reach out to someone for help. Whether that family, friends or a professional who can help.

Whilst the early years of your baby’s life can be some of the toughest emotionally and physically, they can also be some of the most wonderful. Taking care of yourselves and your relationship will help build strong attachments as a family and with your baby, no matter how old you are.