What Young People Say

What Most Children Say: Creating Positive Outcomes for Your Children

Messages from children and young people about how to help them through the process of separation and divorce, backed up by research findings.

This booklet is available from Relationships Scotland and Kent Family Mediation Service, www.kentfms.co.uk

Thanks to Kent Family Mediation Service for the use of the research messages from the 'What Most Children Say' booklet.’

Try not to argue in front of us.
Tell us what is happening, and why.
We don’t want to hear any personal details, or be involved in whose fault you think it was.
Keep talking together about things that affect us.
We don't like it, or you, if you criticise each other. It makes us feel bad and affects us at school and other places too.
We are mostly sad or angry that you can’t live together anymore.

We can cope and get on with our lives, so long as you do too. If you don't, we can't.

We need to be close to both of you.

We like doing ordinary, everyday things with both of you - eating, playing, going to bed and getting up, going to school, watching TV...
We know we can't make the decisions but we want to have a say in where we live and when we will see each of you.
Remember, we have our own lives and friends to see, so please allow us to ask for a change sometimes.
We need to be able to relax in our own homes, have space and just be ourselves.
We don’t mind if Mum and Dad do things differently. We can cope with different rules in different places.
We just like being kids. We love you both, but do not want to be like a grown-up friend to confide in.